Friday, September 24, 2010
I haven't written much because I feel like a one note guitar player with no amplifier. I'm putting all of my diminished energy into becoming normal--I hear the laughter and shouts of "not possible". In ten months I will weigh 190 lbs. I last weighed 190 in High School. My family has never seen me normal in any sense of the word. I have heard so many stories of desperate, courageous people at the meetings I attend. Last week this little bit of a lady stood up and told her story about weighing 300lbs. About having high blood pressure, sleep apnea, acid reflux and migraines. Now they are all gone leaving only the human being. I have heard variations on that story for the past 9 weeks. People filled with so much low self worth that they can hardly walk-- literally and figuratively climbing out of a dark pit. A word about that dark pit. It is very small and gets smaller with time. Then one day the sun shines through the new spaces of your moving frame-areas of your being become re-illuminated. For me that means poems and books to write--crazy projects like the radio show and the film we are making on suicide prevention. Classes to give and people to meet, places to go without fear of becoming a burden-and grandchildren to tell stories too--about enchanted hummingbirds and how when their Aunt Julia was a child she helped put the color blue back into a rainbow and on and on.